no seriously, i’d like to know.

maybe it’s the stress of the deadlines i have at work, and the notion that i’ll have to come into the office on saturday afternoon, regardless of the millions of fun activities i already have planned for the weekend. maybe it’s dan’s dry humour and how irritating it can be to put up with nothing but sarcasm after ten hours in an office the size of my closet and a lack of coffee that doesn’t taste like horse piss. maybe it’s because i cashed my paycheque at noon, and by one in the afternoon, i was already left with $100 to stretch over two weeks because of bills, savings for rent, and the accumulating interest on my credit card. it could be the stress of trying to find an affordable apartment dan and i can flourish in when everything in our neighbourhood is overpriced and under-renovated. it could be a lot of things.

“you’ve lived with boyfriends before, but this is new to me. it’s supposed to be easy, and fun, and so far? i’m not having fun. what happened to us?”

dan has a point. where did his best friend go? why am i so fucking uptight all the time? why can’t i have fun with apartment hunting, or the specifics of how we’re going to fit any furniture into the apartment we do chose? why does everything have to be so calculated and why do i have to figure everything out right this second before my head implodes and the universe ends and oh my god, what is my problem?

we went to see an apartment for the second time last night. my friend is the landlord, and he’s giving us an amazing price, and there’s no pressure what-so-ever. it’s the third floor of an old house in our favourite part of the city. it has slanted ceilings and big baseboards and it’s cozy and perfect and i already love it. when we came home i took a hot bubble bath, played online scrabble with biz, drank a glass of wine wine, and watched law & order while dan made potato, lentil & bacon soup from scratch. i can’t remember the last time i’ve sat around in my underwear, eating dinner with a lover, and spending hours laughing, and tickling and just enjoying being around each other. i’m so lucky to be with someone who can bring that out in me, again. who can make me remember that i am still the fun, care-free girl he’s known since we were kids. i’m so lucky to have someone who loves me the way dan does. i need to just relax, and enjoy our relationship- because i have it so easy with him.

also,

MOVING MARCH 1ST, YO!