do you remember when i wrote this post?
two things have happened since then.
thing the first: i stopped taking my anger out on dan and my family. i am allowed to be hurt, and i am allowed to be stressed, but the last thing i am allowed to do is take it out on people who love me- on the people who have been there for me every step of the way.
the second thing that happened? things have escalated. they have gotten progressively worse. wait, that is the understatement of the year. the abuse, the anger, the finger-pointing and condescending way i’m spoken to every single day… the way i am treated as a slave, not an assistant, has gotten so bad that my emotional and mental health are at stake.
after a particularly uncomfortable and argumentative blowout, i told my boss i was miserable- that i couldn’t work under these conditions and that i’d be leaving after my one year contract.
working under pressure is one thing- but working miserably in tears after being verbally abused on a regular basis? that’s quite another.
my coworkers are sad to see me go, and i am fighting back tears when i think of leaving them too- but every single one of them told me that they completely understand, and they’re proud of me for being his first assistant to finally stand up to him.
i’ve wanted to leave for awhile now, and at least this will give me the push to finally make a change. i’m scared, i’m worried, i’m hopeful, i’m sad… i’m just a whole mix of confused right now and i don’t know what comes next.
i moved out so young- i never furthured my education, i’ve never really given a thought to the future because 1. i didn’t have the time to, and 2. i was too afraid to. being an independant grown-up is hard when you’ve spent years hiding under a rock, ignoring the strong woman you can be. it seems i’m constantly building myself only to be torn down again, and i’m tired.
i’m so tired.
i have plans and goals and i have a few weeks to figure out what my next step will be. whether that next step is school, a government job, or a new & exciting position in the the working world, we’ll see.
but right now? right now i’m focusing on getting healthy, settling my nerves, kicking ass at bootcamp, enjoying time with my family, falling more and more in love with my supportive boyfriend, and looking forward to a better, happier future.
wish me luck…