Tag Archives: christmas

being down on my luck: i’m doing it right

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well, son of a bitch.

it’s a good thing it’s not 2011 yet or i’d have some serious ass-kicking to take care of.

i’ll start off by saying my christmas holiday was amazing. i got to see old friends, and spend some time at gam-gam’s by the (frozen) water, which was totally beautiful and nothing short of perfect. i ate a whole bunch of turkey sandwiches and got amazing gifts and fell more in love with my boyfriend than ever, if that’s even possible.

however…

i work as an executive assistant for a cell phone company. i do a lot of accouting work and reconciliation and i deal with money all day, every day. so naturally, i’ve been gifted a few of the top blackberries on the market. and contrary to popular belief, these cell phones have to be paid for by someone (GASP! they aren’t FREE?!)… granted, we do get them for amazing prices, but that’s not the point- a brand new GOOD blackerry goes for over $500 these days (minimum).

now, christmas eve was celebrated 2 days early at my apartment on wednesday. my parents, my brother cory, my sister-in-law josee, and dan were there. we ate, we laughed, we got drunk and had a really nice time. but an entire cup (yes cup, i’m classy) of wine got knocked over onto my brand new (received as a gift) blackerry. and it was instantly fried. i was kind of too hopped up on mozarella sticks and box wine to give a care at the time, but once the morning rolled around and sobriety kicked in, the reality of my dilemma hit me like a ton of bricks. i didn’t have $600 to replace my (work) phone, and my boss was going to set me on fire, stuff me in a duffel bag, and throw me in the river for being so damn irresponsible.

cue the most giant AW, FUCK i’ve ever let out in my life.

i cried, internet. i sat in my boss’ office and tried to explain how it was an accident, and i felt awful, and i understand if i could never be trusted with technology again. it was a rough day, and he did make me feel pretty awful about it, but things got fixed and blah blah blah, he gave me a brand new shitty blackberry to use until after the holidays when he’d buy me a brand new AWESOME one.

correct. best boss ever.

woah, woah, woah… this story ain’t over.

so i spent christmas eve at the office, joking around with coworkers, and stuffing our face full of delicious foods at the potluck in the boardroom, and had our service guy set up my temporary phone. at this point? everything was coming up milhouse.

i was so excited, and got a hold of all my friends who were in from out of town, told them my phone was back up, and to give me a call for hang outs before they left. i texted dan, which i totally missed. i know, i’m a n00b. ALL WAS WELL IN THE UNIVERSE.

dan and i headed to my parents’ place for their annual open house. i mingled with old friends, and caught up with childhood buddies. i got awesomely sauced and shotgunned a beer in the garage with my lover. we cabbed back to the city, picked up dan’s friend rod, and stopped in at my place to get out of my skin tight clothes, and into my ratty skid clothes. i grabbed a bottle of wine, shoved it in my new purse, and we were off to brad’s for an evening of old Tom Green episodes and booze. hurrah!

brad lives 1.5 blocks away from my house. i swear, if i wanted to spit on his apartment, i probably could. THAT close. we walked out my apartment door, turned the corner, crossed the street, and…

SMASH

my new (vintage) purse malfunctioned and hit the frozen sidewalk. i immediately flipped my purse upsight down and dumped everything onto the sidewalk. dan grabbed my phone, pulled the battery out and immediately started wiping it down. the bottle of red i had packed had smashed into 100 pieces and soaked everything in the purse. granted, it was a new bag, so the only things i had in there were keys, my wallet, some mittens, AND MY TEMPORARY BLACKBERRY.

i sliced my finger open and there was blood everywhere. i must have looked like a freaking jackass- standing on the sidewalk, blood everywhere, screaming about a wet blackberry. perfect, i’m THAT person.

so we ran home, dan immedately started blow drying the phone, while i rinsed my hand and got blood all over my white linen shower curtain. i know the rice trick only works with water, but i figured i’d try it anyway. we let the phone to do its’ drying magic, and off we were to brad’s house.

epilogue: two blackberries destroyed by wine in two days.

what the actual fuck? how am i going to explain this one to my boss? “oh, hi sir… i’m a wine-o, please buy me more presents so i can just kill them dead. thanks.”

either this is a sign from ye allmighty that i need to ease off the special sauce, or i’m just too fucking retarded to own anything expensive.

all signs point to technology hates me, why don’t i just have a fucking flip phone, god dammit.

give me a hug, please.

or a new blackberry.

…or both

one hell of a weekend!

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oye vey.

the weekend started off perfectly when i received a card in the mail from one of my most favourite ladies ever!

on friday night i made a few alterations to my most favourite skirt in the world, and BAM, i’m fourteen all over again…

…let me refresh your memory:

hahaha. worst quality photo ever, yet SO awesome.

then my two favourite montreal boys came to visit! my old roommate skinhead jesse, and kevin. we hung out for a bit at my place, and then headed to a party…

brass monkeys, gin, tall boys, pizza, and the fireplace channel

on saturday afternoon after breakfast, i went to finish up some christmas shopping while dan went to help adam with some speakers. not even an hour after i left i got a call from dan with some terrible news. he slipped in the slush and fell, the speaker fell on his hand, and he fell ontop of the speaker. he split his finger open, broke a finger and a couple of knuckles. he HATES hospitals and the clinics stopped taking patients by that time, so i had to clean up the wound (barf), rub ointment on the open wound (double barf) and bandage him up (triple barf). ah, the things you’ll do for love.

broken boy is tired :(

that night i had my christmas work party. the pictures have already begun to surface and they are HILARIOUS. i love my co-workers and i can’t believe how hard they all like to party. i did shots with the president! THE PRESIDENT! i have a picture of the sales manager peeing on a wall, and there’s one where i’m sitting on his lap, and the director of sales has her leg wrapped around my neck and i’m licking her shin while she’s wearing a sales rep’s tie. jesus christ, man. i won’t post pictures of the evidence, but here’s what i wore!

there seems to be an ongoing theme in my life right now…

… which i’m okay with at the moment, because my only real responsibilities right now include getting to work every day, paying the bills on time, and attempting to stay alive- sort of. so i’m doing pretty okay.

in other more normal, mundane news… i got THE cutest eliment covers for four bucks on sunday!

hurrah!

my plans for the week?

tonight: clean apartment
tomorrow: make sure apartment is spotless
wednesday: early christmas eve at my apartment with mum, pops, cory, josee, and dan!
thursday: roll around naked in my presents
friday: work potluck, and open house party at my parents’ place
saturday: more christmas presents with dan! + christmas at my gam-gam’s.
sunday, monday, tuesday: holiday bender!

i’m pretty pumped!

and i’m also 100% broke.

yay, christmas!

selfless (alternatively titled: the one in which i say fuck… a lot)

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i don’t get it.

honestly, i don’t. i think humans were actually programmed to fall completely and madly in love with someone, only to piss one another off on the regular. for reals. i catch myself doing it all the time, and when i do, i actually want to punch myself in my own face because i’m so not like that. i’m laid back and i’m easy to get along with. and unless you give me reason not to trust you, i don’t really let the little things affect my mood.

and i don’t know, maybe it’s the fucking dudes i decide to date, or the crowds i hangout with… but most of these people don’t have jobs in a business industry. they don’t know what it is to network and build valuable business-to-business relationships, or have any idea what it’s like to sit at a fucking desk all day playing with numbers and money and quotas and spreadsheets and blah blah fuckitty blah.

let’s take a look at the track record for a moment: dan’s a cook in a restaurant, andy was a self-employed contractor, and m was a fucking body piercer. these guys get to look how they want, talk how they want, work hours that still allow them to live a social life, and be exactly who they are at their work- loving what they’re doing. and although i totally catapulted myself into the business lifestyle, and i’ve decided that i want to spend 40-50 hours a week paying people, reconciling commissions, and dealing with humans (face to face, gasp!) on a regular basis, it doesn’t mean that i’m a fucking sell-out. trust me, if i had the time and money to do the things i love RIGHT NOW, i would not be wearing suits to work, or getting so stressed out i can’t even sleep at night. because i hate to say it, but if dan fucks up a food order, or andy didn’t measure a mantle properly, and m miscalculated when he was piercing someone- their livelihood wouldn’t go to shit. i’m not saying my job is better or more important (it’s not exactly what i would call fun or exciting), but it is what it is, and if i fuck up in the slightest, i can’t pay my reps. and they can’t pay their mortgages on time, or feed their families, or pay their bills.

that’s a lot of stress on my tiny little shoulders.

so when i drag my ass to the office day in and day out, and actually (despite the daily stresses) build these wonderful working relationships with my coworkers, and (surprisingly) want to get all gussied up, do my hair, buy a new dress, and do something other than shotgun beer in my friend’s shower and mosh all night… you better bet your ass that i want to show off my (super good looking, successful, hilarious, entertaining, awesome) boyfriend. i’m going to want to paint my nails and eat a free (expensive,extravagant) meal with all these people i see more often than my own fucking family, and get a little bit wine-drunk at the dinner table, and probably dance to super shitty radio bands i don’t even know.

because at the end of the day, i’m not asking my boyfriend to rearrange his entire life for me. i’m asking that that he take 5 hours out of his entire life to do me this tiny little favour, to make me proud. to make me happy. to swallow his fucking pride, and be my arm candy to one event over the holidays because the holidays mean that much to me.

christmas is a big fucking deal around these parts.

we have get-togethers and gift exchanges and huge dinners. my brother and sister-in-law throw an annual christmas rager so big, people even drive in from out of town to attend. there are more flavours of shots than i can count on two hands, we dance and eat and laugh. and when we go to my grandmother’s place… the boys play risk, the girls play cards, and my uncle gets so drunk he miscalculates the shot he’s about to take- spits half of it in my grandmother’s face and accidentally lights the centrepiece on fire… and then another uncle throws his bourbon on it to “tame” the flames. we eat more cookies than our jeans allow, and we watch christmas movies and drink margaritas at noon. my mother gets so drunk she forgets half her presents, my dad makes specialty drinks, and we all enjoy each others’ company. because that’s christmas. that’s family. and i’m sorry to get all kurt vonnegut on your ass, but if that isn’t nice… i don’t know what is. and dammit, if you’re going to be a part of my life i want you to be a part of that. once a year. for a day here and there throughout december.

all that being said, last year andy’s uncle dick visited us on christmas day and was spending the night at our house. and despite all of my annual traditions, i went out with the boys and had vietnamese soup for christmas dinner. is that how i was hoping/planning on spending it? hell to the no. but i cared about andy, and i loved his family, so i was prepared to make that sacrifice because i knew how much it meant to him. is it really so much to ask for a partner to accompany you to a holiday function? are they so selfish that they can’t do this simple task without complaining? what happened to chivalry, and romance, and courting? slick some fucking pomade into your hair, wear a clean pair of pants along with your doc martens and that super nice v-neck sweater you look so damn hot in, and court the shit out of me, fuck.

i don’t mean to compare- because really i’m dating a god damned prince. i just wish he could see past his qualms with the holidays and move past the issues from his childhood. i’m giving him the opportunity to start fresh- a chance at a family, even… and i wish he could see that.

what is it with punks and the fucking holidays?

bah, humbug.

i love the rock & roll

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“basically i miss ya a huge bunch”

my lover’s on his way home! we made it a whole 72 hours apart! gimme a fucking medal.

he’s playing a show here tomorrow night, and then next weekend he has a show at the bored to death anniversary bash and then he plays montreal on the saturday. i forgot why i don’t date musicians: because i am fucking needy!

apparently their show in toronto last night went really well and although he’s barely alive, he has a shift to work tonight, and not to mention tomorrow’s day shift before the show. poor baby!

in other news i basically have zero monies for christmas presents, not to mention groceries. jesus fuck, why can’t i manage my finances? also, i ordered dan’s gift online and haven’t received it yet, and a dress from a blogger, which i also haven’t received yet. and now i’m panicking! i feel like i don’t have time for anything and i’m relying on those two packages to not completely fail the holidays.

boo.

all i want to do this weekend is make chili, do sit-ups, and get drunk. and uh, makeout with my busy boyfriend. successful weekend?

yup.

i’m a quitter, what of it?

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fuck it, internet.

i’m not finishing the 30 day blog challenge. it would have been great if i could do one post per day, but i have more important things to write about! like sitting on my curling iron, or the inappropriate text messages my boyfriend sends me. that shit makes for super deep, existential posts, okay? i don’t have the patience to be insightful EVERY day. i don’t have the attention span… my thought process usually involves a monkey juggling on a unicyle while fireworks go off in the background, and there’s super loud psychedelic music playing. i have the attention-span of a shoelace.

so that’s that. i’m over it.

anyway… i had my first bootcamp class last night. and i LOVED it. the only time i sweat that profusely is when i anger-fuck. and i haven’t anger-fucked in quite some time. so this is the most working out i’ve done in awhile… and i’m freaking SORE. i took a hot bubble bath and ate some chicken and like, two cups of vegetables after my class. and then i slept like a freaking baby. dan had to take me to bed. i do, however, feel awesome this morning. my muscles are tight but i feel energized and well rested.

in other news, this saturday i’m celebrating a very merry ham-mas at my house. i’ll be cooking a huge ham roast for about ten friends or so, and we’re going to get hammered. how appropriate!

if you guys have some favourite christmas recipes/appetizers i’d love to see them! any ideas or suggestions would be GREAT!

help me feed my friends!

whirlwind

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here’s a little recap on life:

dec 20th – dec 23rd:
had business conferences in toronto. met some VPs and the CEO of the company. worked 11 hour days and then partied with co-workers all night. ended the trip with a few too many tequila shots with my boss. learned a lot. made some new friends. pretty much RAN home to the lover.

dec 24th:
did some last minute booze runs and picked up some groceries for xmas partying. headed over to my parents’ house with andy, matty, my brother, and his fiancée. had a delicious meal, drank some awesome drinks, and opened some pretty amazing presents.

dec 25th:
went to gramma’s with andy. came home early because uncle dick was in town (finally got the picture of me firing the pistol after a blurry night of whiskey shots!) uncle dick, andy, matty and i went for pho in chinatown for christmas dinner.

dec 26th:
had some friends and family (both andy and i’s parents + uncle dick) over for a crazy feast. the bird must’ve been about 20lbs and it fed about 20 of us. it was a wild party and everyone had a great time. by far one of the best feast nights to date.

dec 27th:
went to my parents’ friend’s house because their daughter (my childhood friend) was in town from edmonton. she’s going to australia with her boyfriend for six months! so i had to see her before she left. good times were had!

dec 28th: my last day off. i didn’t get out of bed ALL DAY. other than to make food here and there and to putter around the house (cleaning up after that party is SUCH. A. LONG. PROCESS). being that lazy would have been better if i didn’t owe my cable company over $600 and still had access to tons of movies. wamp, wamp.

so i’m at work now.

i get off on thursday at 3pm, and have friday off so it’s not THAT bad.

i hope everyone had a happy and safe holiday!

xo
-e

christmas shopping fail

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holy crap.

on my lunch hour, i managed to spend $200 on the boyfriend and his brother at wal-mart. merry red-neck christmas, boys! i suck at bank accounts. i managed to spend all that money on stocking stuffers. STOCKING STUFFERS. granted, the boys have very expensive taste (even for wal-mart), so i got a lot of organic lotions and balms, burt’s bees products, rub A535 for their joints, shower gels, mixed nuts, protein bars, bailey’s chocolates, vitamin water, travel mugs, candy cane hot chocolate… and other things i can’t remember.

the boyfriend is also getting a gaming mouse and a valet tray for his desk, and his brother is getting leatherbound journals and a giftcard for a bookstore. i can’t remember half of the other things i’ve gotten them but i’m pretty happy with my purchases.

my brother is getting a travelling backpack and a cookbook with great recipes for people who have IBS (sorry for just telling the world that your insides are rotting).

we got my mum a beautiful wooden heart-shaped jewelry box, and we got pops the new star trek DVD and some guitar strings. we also got them $50 for their favourite italian restaurant.

i got my SIL a 1 year subscription to women’s health magazine, a work-out DVD called THE WEDDING BODY, and EA active for wii.

now, excuse me while i go cry in a corner and survive on cans of tuna for the week!

- e

in a winter funk

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the men of the house have had two snow days due to the insane snow storms. they’ve been eating hot soup, playing video games, reorganizing the kitchen cupboards, doing groceries, lazing around in their undernothings… etc.

as for myself? today, my first bus came early (also i arrived a little late because i was too busy cuddling the cat who likes to sleep face first in the heater so he gets all warm and irresistible), and then my second bus came 20 minutes late… so i got to hang out in the freezing cold snow storm for thirty minutes. THEN i hear this awful screeching sound which, as it turns out, IS MY BUS. it went on with it’s route for about fiteen minutes before he realized the awful sound was the metal pipes that had come loose under the bus, and were scraping against the concrete. so everyone got off the bus and waited for another.

and as soon as i got into the office, i get a text from the boyfriend saying:

“SNOW DAY NUMBER 2!”

… it’d be nice to be a well-established foreman of my own company too, DARLING. but i have to force myself out of bed every morning to come work for satan, himself.

i’m half-joking. those boys work 12 hour days on a regular basis, so they definitely deserve the rest. but FRIG.

they’re also out getting our christmas tree right now. apparently, trees are $20 at IKEA right now, and you get a $20 giftcard back. i can live with that. we’ll be making all of our decorations this year too, so that’ll be a fun project.

december’s calendar, and then some

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dec 3 – tattoo appointment to work on chest piece

dec 4 – buy tights for saturday’s outfit

dec 5 – go to the gym with laura, have colleagues over for jello shooters, work christmas party at grace o’malleys

dec 8 – christmas shopping with the sister in-law

dec 12 – dancing with gen for her birthday

dec 17 – tattoo appointment to work on chestpiece

dec 20 – a christmas carol play with the parents, the boyfriend, my brother, and his fiancée, go to the airport for 7pm and leave for work conference in toronto

dec 21, 22, 23 – toronto for work conference

dec 24 – come to work for half a day, then go to the parents’ with the boyfriend, my brother, and his fiancée for drinks, food, and presents!

dec 25 – TBD

dec 26 – shopping with the boyfriend

dec 27 – open house/wine & cheese @ chris & barry’s new house

—

the boyfriend and i have made some pretty big decisions as of late. he’s buying the house we’re currently renting so he can flip it and resell. i’ll be moving in with my parents (GASP!) for about a year (or less) so i can buy a car and save enough money for the downpayment on the house the boyfriend and i will be getting together.

this is huge… i moved out when i was seventeen and have lived in about 6 houses since then. at least my new roomies (hi mum & dad!) are really laid back, easy-going hippie-type. this doesn’t mean that adjusting will be easy.

also, not sleeping next to the boyfriend every night = so sad. who is going to wake me up in the middle of the night by ripping off all the blankets, moving constantly, kissing my back in his sleep, or farting ALL THE TIME.

granted, i’ll probably feel much more rested… but it’s going to be really hard to get used to. i’m so used to cooking big dinners for us during the week, or getting ready together in the mornings. i love waking up early on saturdays, watching cartoons, making breakfast and then running arrands together. i’m sure we’ll still do all of these things, but it’s still hard.

sigh.

—

list of things to do with saved money:
buy a bike
buy a car
get my wisdom teeth removed
buy glasses & contacts for 2010
update little moose-man on all his shots
get a gym pass
go to cuba with the boyfriend in april

wtf, none of this shit is sinking in!

out.

- e

shit

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I RUINED CHRISTMAS.

i was sending emails back and forth with my brother’s fiancée… and i forwarded him something because it was important, but didn’t realize it not only listed out everything i wanted to buy him, but everything his fiancée wanted to buy him, which turns out was a total surprise because she got him a whole bunch of stuff to go backpacking in europe or something cool and he had no idea about it until i EMAILED HIM TO ACCIDENTALLY TELL HIM WHAT HE WAS GETTING FOR CHRISTMAS.

so at first he lied and was all “no baby, i didn’t see what you wrote” and then she asked him in person and he was all “HOLY SHIT MY SISTER IS STUPID AND I SAW EVERYTHING AND I UNDERSTAND IF THE WEDDING IS OFF BECAUSE YOU DON’T WANT TO LEGALLY BE RELATED TO TEH STUPIDZ”, and now i feel like the worst sister-to-be ever and i totally understand if she sister-divorces me forever for being such a dumb bitch.

because holy fuck, i am such a dumb bitch.

anyway…

i have to make it up to her by getting her something completely ridiculous, more ridiculous than the like, $200 amazing easel i wanted to get her until my brother decided he would get her that, and now i have no plans!

CHRISTMAS IS IMPORTANT.

the boyfriend and i decided we would go totally hippie on everyone’s asses and get a real tree. then invite the feasters over to make hand-made decorations like a bunch of five year olds because i hate the stupid store-bought decorations anyway. we just need to figure out what the hell to put at the top of the tree that isn’t a dumb angel, or a typical star, or my suction cup dildo.

also, the boyfriend told me what he’s getting me because he wants me to pick it out. he is taking me to my favourite store (it always smells like incense) right beside that vegan restaurant, to buy me a ring.

A RING.

because holy crap, he is the best boyfriend ever.

so even though i ruined christmas for everyone, i will have a giant, natural stone on my finger.