Tag Archives: getting wild

long weekend photo dump

Posted on by

0

first sweaty, bra-less beer run of the summer! (i actually have an arm, it’s just probably on my butt, or something). this look was complete with flip flops and a blaring i-pod playing white lung, really loud.

late night tickle fights between dan and moose the cat

adam’s excellent shoe tying skills

i wake up to this sweetness every morning


this is the best window/ledge ever. i love living in an attic… pouring rain on saturday afternoon

sleeping little moose baby

asshole summer outfit? check!


asshole summer mullet? CHECK!

ripped tights, 40s of malt liquor, and amazing friends


one of my most favourite humans ever in the universe… also more proof that i am a midget.

illegal fireworks (and then we nearly got run down by asshole cops on a power trip! completely avoided getting arrested… because apparently i’m still 13. thank god all we had on us were arts & crafts and the dirty dancing soundtrack on tape!)


and thank goodness i didn’t get arrested bceause the next day was spent with my family getting morning drunk off mimosas and vodka tonics at our birthday brunch!

and the best part about being back at work today? a little nerd trivia with one of my besties.

beer, babes, boats – round 2!

Posted on by

10

the weather has been so ominous these days!

we lost power at the office yesterday, and a manager even had to hurry home because half his roof had blown off. totally spooky. dan and i lost power at home and it STILL hasn’t come back on. i had a freezing cold shower after bootcamp last night, and just stuck my head under the tap this morning to wet my hair and wash my face.

and then i had to do this at the office:

yeah… frigging loser!

in other news, i’m heading out of the city with a couple of girlfriends for a girls’ weekend at the cottage! last time i was there, the shitshow that ensued cannot even be put into words. but basically i wasn’t sober for even a second, and gwen shat on the neighbours lawn at 4 in the morning because we’d broken the toilet and flooded the cottage within the first fifteen minutes of our arrival.

women should not be allowed to function in the woods without men around. that’s just science. we break things and then we are left to our own devices. and in this case it was cheap beer from the grocery store and using the neighbour’s lawn as a toilet. we (grown women) played beer pong and chest bumped every time we won.

on the bright side we feasted like nobody’s business, danced to really awful 90s pop, and i’m pretty sure i saw gwen’s vagina.

win/win.

here are some of last year’s pictures:

i’m pretty sure in this next picture we’ve blocked off the sink with every towel in the cottage to stop the water that was fountaining to the ceiling… even still? PERFECT PHOTO OP!

i also managed to look like a homeless person the entire weekend- getting pretty creative with places to put my beers while i stumbled to the firepit.

but at least we feasted like QUEENS!

biggest beer pong loser EVER!

this isn’t even half the beer we managed to drink in two and a half days

is it bad that i’m actually looking foward to getting to the cottage so i can have a real shower?!

no, but seriously…

i am SO excited for car ride singalongs, destructive grocery shopping, not being sober for three days, feasting, campfires, playing cards and board games, and hopefully convincing gwen to dump on the lawn again.

have a safe weekend!

… (i know i won’t)

my life in iPhone pictures

Posted on by

5

(an entire week in iphone pictures because i’m too fucking exhausted to attempt discussing house renovations or decorating. and also fuck my job, etc)

–

the majority of my friends live/have moved either to montreal, or toronto. those cities are bigger and more jam-packed with fun and activities and jobs that don’t make you want to kill yourself. personally, i know myself, i know my demons, and i know that a bigger city will only set me up to fail in ways i am not willing to accept. the party/drug/shitty scenes are way bigger in both cities, and ottawa just has the safety and limits i know i need. not to mention, my family is a within a super close radius which means they won’t LET me throw my life away, if i even tried. so you know, there’s that.

ANYWAY.

that being said, some of my favourite montrealers came to stay one night for some debauchery!

first, i went to breakfast with jonny, jesse, and kevin

then we went back to my house to drink 40s on the porch (punx with iphones!)

then jesse and i joined kevin & hans to get afternoon fades

then the boys did push-ups in the parking lot while tania bought beer

then we all headed to jonny’s, where we drank in the backyard, and then blew up the bouncy castle and wrestled in it (seriously, these are my friends, and this is our life)

then we went to ben & gary’s annual shit-show of a birthday party where i don’t remember much, but i think we had fun!?

i somehow got home with tania, and apparently took pictures of her and moose being adorable together

on sunday, i died a little when my babies went home, and spent the day watching movies with my lover.

on monday i headed back to this nightmare

DEATH BY ACCOUNTING.

and got ready for last night’s first class of bootcamp

which went completely amazingly, and ended in this:

which was completely fucking necessary!

my new favourite thing to do with the iphone (other than instagram, plants vs zombies, angry birds, and words with friends, duh) is take pictures of the fucking RIDICULOUS conversations i have via text message.

example number 1: important discussions with my landlord

example number 2: typical elle + dan banter

example number 3: anna and i discussing how long we’ve been friends (when putting me down as a reference for her passport for her trip to ICELAND! frigging jealous)

example 4: my boyfriend hates me

coming from someone who works in the industry, i was SO anti-iphone it was ridiculous. but if you really just want a dumb phone that is super fun to play with, that takes really good pictures and has amazing apps, then just buy it. it’s the best piece of shit i’ve ever spent money on. my wirsts hurt from all the games i’ve been playing.

so there.

such is my life.

the weekend

Posted on by

2

this weekend was REALLY productive.

on friday, straight after work, my parents came over and we got A LOT done in the apartment. we painted the hallway (from baby blue, to sage green), and the entire kitchen (from a lemon-y yellow, to a nice mocha colour- the same colour as the living room)

my parents left around 11ish, and i showered quickly, met up with anna, and went out dancing all night. which means i did a lot of this all day

note: dan and i didn’t put curtains up in the bedroom and i LOVE how much sunlight it lets in. it’s really relaxing and comforting to wake up to such brightness

i had to force myself out of bed though, because THIS was being delivered:

my precious

then anna came over so we could cuddle and watch movies all morning. she was also sweet enough to pick up a whole bunch of fruit, yogurt, and juice… so we had a nice, light, healthy breakfast in our jammies. which means we got to cuddle this little guy all day:

anna left to have coffee with a girlfriend, so i got to nap for a few hours. when i FINALLY got around to showering/putting on something that wasn’t my yoga pants, i headed over to anna’s to hang with her, senan, adam, and stefan. we shot-gunned a few shower beers, watched some silly videos on the internet, and then made the twenty minute walk to the scuzziest bar in the city, where stefan made all of us laugh all night

around 2am, i left the bar with anna, jon, and adam and we headed to my place to hangout, watch lord of the rings, and drink until well past 5am.

note: why the hell do i do this to myself?! i am a fucking sadist.

dan and i slept in really late, and i finally stumbled out of bed to make us fried egg sandwiches. he headed off to adam’s to watch the hockey game, and i headed over to my parents’ place for family dinner… where my sister-in-law and i spent hours looking at avon catalogues to spend money we don’t have on shit we don’t need.

“does this colour suit me?!” – jo

i got home pretty late, just when dan was getting home from band practice. we did a whole bunch of laundry, cuddled, and watched big love until 2am.

i have to admit, i’ve been really short and stressed these days, but things are finally starting to fall into place and my finances are sorting themselves out. i’m really happy that dan is so patient with me because 80% of the time, i’m a total headcase.

blah, blah, blah, my boyfriend is the most amazing human in the world, etc.

barf.

i hope you babies had a lovely weekend!

xx

the weekend

Posted on by

14

how much fun was my weekend?!

SO MUCH FUN.

first of all, get a load of this:

the mancave has a couch, ya’ll. and granted, it’s totally tiny, but it’s actually pretty comfortable and it FIT THROUGH OUR FRONT DOOR, so you know, that’s good. i didn’t want anything fancy for the mancave because all we do in there is watch tv, listen to records, and get super drunk. we’ve had it all of four days and there’s already been a spill or five, so i’m glad we got something small and functional with removable covers so i can wash them bad boys.

so basically since we got the couch i’ve been doing a whole lot of this:

and this:

which is pretty fucking magical, in my books.

a good friend of mine is a designer and got to showcase her amazing collection at ottawa fashion week on friday. you may know her because when i was super shitty and homeless she let me get drunk and sleep on her couch every single day for four months until i figured out my emotions and money and grew the fuck up. she is pretty wonderful like that. she’s currently building her website (and starting some pretty awesome new collections- which means i’ll be hosting a giveaway within the next few months of some sassy lingerie). all this to say i was VIP on her list and even got to wear a vip necklace and sit in the first row to watch some babes model her 50′s/60′s style stuff. i also cried because i was so proud of her and i am a fucking mom like that.

i was under strict orders not to wear anything ripped or that has patches. so there goes like, 90% of my wardrobe, awesome. to make up for my insecurities of not being able to wear a jean jacket, i wore this:

fuck, i am so classy.

when i came home, a bunch of friends came over and we got pretty silly and stayed up til 5 in the morning drinking beer. on saturday i hung out in my undies all day because i was so exhausted. we had friends over again that night and did exactly the same thing. on sunday i went to breakfast with some lovelies, dyed my hair, and then went to the pub for a pitcher with some friends- which actually turned into about eight pitchers, deep fried pickles, and having to pee 100 times and losing the ability to walk like a normal human after pitcher number the fourth.

i don’t normally drink on weeknights anymore because i am really trying to be a real human being for once in my life but i was just having too much fun! anna and i headed to her house so she could pack me a lunch (thanks mom!) before we went out dancing.

grapefruit nutz are super humourous in my books

drunk anna’s lunch spread

“don’t forget your fucking apple!” – anna

i am a fucking five year old.

in any case we headed out to a bar and went dancing! and the second we got there i hear my name, and i turn to see m.

AWESOME!

i could have gone a million years without seeing that piece of shit, or hearing his douche bag voice. i smirked and said “nope!”, and walked away.

excellent!

i’m super mature.

so i brushed it off, and anna and i danced our little hearts out. thank goodness for amazing girlfriends. i walked home and dan was still up so i got to makeout with him until the break of dawn.

i for reals love my life.

except i definitely want to barf right now.

also look how cute moose the cat is when he gets a noogie!

this week i’ll be doing a whole lot of movie watching, laundry washing, and you know, being sober.

i can’t wait to take my pants off and nap.

zzzzzzz….

one hell of a weekend!

Posted on by

5

oye vey.

the weekend started off perfectly when i received a card in the mail from one of my most favourite ladies ever!

on friday night i made a few alterations to my most favourite skirt in the world, and BAM, i’m fourteen all over again…

…let me refresh your memory:

hahaha. worst quality photo ever, yet SO awesome.

then my two favourite montreal boys came to visit! my old roommate skinhead jesse, and kevin. we hung out for a bit at my place, and then headed to a party…

brass monkeys, gin, tall boys, pizza, and the fireplace channel

on saturday afternoon after breakfast, i went to finish up some christmas shopping while dan went to help adam with some speakers. not even an hour after i left i got a call from dan with some terrible news. he slipped in the slush and fell, the speaker fell on his hand, and he fell ontop of the speaker. he split his finger open, broke a finger and a couple of knuckles. he HATES hospitals and the clinics stopped taking patients by that time, so i had to clean up the wound (barf), rub ointment on the open wound (double barf) and bandage him up (triple barf). ah, the things you’ll do for love.

broken boy is tired :(

that night i had my christmas work party. the pictures have already begun to surface and they are HILARIOUS. i love my co-workers and i can’t believe how hard they all like to party. i did shots with the president! THE PRESIDENT! i have a picture of the sales manager peeing on a wall, and there’s one where i’m sitting on his lap, and the director of sales has her leg wrapped around my neck and i’m licking her shin while she’s wearing a sales rep’s tie. jesus christ, man. i won’t post pictures of the evidence, but here’s what i wore!

there seems to be an ongoing theme in my life right now…

… which i’m okay with at the moment, because my only real responsibilities right now include getting to work every day, paying the bills on time, and attempting to stay alive- sort of. so i’m doing pretty okay.

in other more normal, mundane news… i got THE cutest eliment covers for four bucks on sunday!

hurrah!

my plans for the week?

tonight: clean apartment
tomorrow: make sure apartment is spotless
wednesday: early christmas eve at my apartment with mum, pops, cory, josee, and dan!
thursday: roll around naked in my presents
friday: work potluck, and open house party at my parents’ place
saturday: more christmas presents with dan! + christmas at my gam-gam’s.
sunday, monday, tuesday: holiday bender!

i’m pretty pumped!

and i’m also 100% broke.

yay, christmas!

my entire life can be summed up in an andrew wk song

Posted on by

8

um, i don’t know where to start.

what did i do this weekend other than party? apparently nothing.

thursday night dan went out for boys’ night with his best friend because he was feeling down. what do best friends do when the other feels shitty? they drink until it has nowhere to go except, um, out. dan got home and explosive-barfed all over the front of his room. barfed on records, his doc martens box, halfway up the door… i wouldn’t be surprised if he managed to up-chuck on the ceiling. to be fair he’s almost entirely sure he ate something bad because there was a lot of blood too.

awesome?

on friday night i sat in his bed listening to the spacemen 3 album he barfed on (protective plastic still on, at the time), and drank a 40 until we had to leave to go see his band’s show. while i drank, he did this:

so punk.

and if that’s not bad enough, i blacked out at the show, drank more beer that i didn’t even pay for, and then we went to go see shitty dad’s band play at another bar, where dan bought me quartz after quartz. i don’t even remember getting home, but apparently i did, because i woke up next to my boyfriend.

dan and i had breakfast with jon & the twins and left right after because he was playing a show in montreal. i did a few groceries and walked home only to realize blackout elle lost my keys somewhere in the apartment the night before, and i hadn’t noticed because dan was the one to lock up before breakfast with his set of keys.

it’s a good thing my friends are made of gold and eat unicorns and daffodils for breakfast because gen drove to my parents’ place (about ten minutes from her house) to get my spare set, and then drove to my house downtown (halfway across the city), to let me into my apartment. i sat on the floor in front of my door reading magazines, checking facebook on my phone, and contemplating opening the bottle of wine i’d bought for my brother’s christmas party that night.

when gen finally let me in i had about 40 minutes to make an artichoke dip, shower, and look cute & sober before yet another ridiculous night.

…have any of you seen beerfest?

the glass boot? DAS BOOT? i won that in the stealing santa game at the party, and just about every human there subsequently dumped their drink in it, and i had to DRINK THA BOOT.

and drink the boot i did:

my blackout eyes are in full effect.

i don’t remember much from the evening but some arrogant stranger threatened to beat me up in my own brother’s house because she thought i was chirping her (shitty) music taste, when i was actually just yelling at the computer to stop freezing.

i bailed out at 5 in the morning, didn’t get to bed til 6, and was all fucked up for the rest of the day. i went to the grocery store again (this time with my keys), and spent my life savings on marley drank (the opposite of red bull- it has valerian and melatonin in it, etc…)

i basically snoozed on soul, mon.

a few years back i suffered from a brief stint of insomnia. to help keep a regular work routine and you know, so i wouldn’t go completely bat-shit crazy, i started taking sleeping pills or melatonin strips at night. i never had any issues with sleeping aids, but there were a few times i’d get night terrors if i’d take the melatonin. i don’t know if it was the half awake state that fucked with my head, but the terrors were awful.

that being said i spent the entire day and night having the most awful night terrors i’d experienced since living with m. when i finally screamed myself awake i went to get dan and asked him to hold me til i fell asleep, and to wake me if i started having a terror.

the next day at work was awful- i was in a constant state of gagging, and i was soaked through my clothes with a cold sweat. i think a lot of it has to do with the two benders i went on, and the fact that i probably got a total of 3 hours sleep the entire weekend, not to mention the marley’s mellow medleyi gulped down in the matter of seconds… needless to say i’m in desperate need of a healthy nap, and i have to take it easy for a few days.

party til you kill yourself, apparently?

hi, i’m responsible.

party til you puke! (no, really)

Posted on by

4

i got really drunk, then really hungover, then sick with the flu.

i played up my character super well, i totally partied til i puked- only it wasn’t from the three tall cans i drank (…fail?), and i didn’t puke from my mouth. what a bummer. HA! BUM-mer.

ugh.

i went to work for two and a half hours and feared actually mouth-barfing all over my pencil skirt, so i came home and napped for 6 hours. i just want to sleep for like, 4 days.

anyway, i can’t stop whining, so let’s just skip to the pictures

me! as andrew wk

dan and i

the lovely host- julie hope as a zombie mermaid, and her wonderful boyfriend, edward fourty-hands (before the 40′s were taped to his hands)

the after-math!

all pictures (minus the one of julie) by julie hope

one box of wine – one box of tampons = responsibility!

Posted on by

10

i had a pretty relaxing and awesome weekend!

on friday i went over to bizkoti’s and watched a few horror movies with friends, ate some pizza and drank beer. i headed home around midnight to catch up on some sleep.

on saturday i went to breakfast with some old lady friends i hadn’t seen in awhile. we then went to a couple of stores looking for cute house stuff. i bought a really cute print for my bedroom, and some scented candles.

after shopping, gen and i hung out at her place for a few hours and then got cheese burgers and went back to my place to drink wine and hangout for a bit.

gen is a babe, obviously

i’ve been bailing on dan because he works late a lot and i’m usually too tired to meet up with him when he gets off work… but this saturday i’d promised him i’d stay awake enough to get silly.

…and get silly, we did!

we listened to rap all night, danced in my living room, and talked about some important life decisions. dan drank himself into wine sweats and stopped making sense by 4am… when brad and jon came over to help me finished the box of wine dan and i started.

this is brad looking like a babe wearing my $100 sweatpants:

after jon had broken a second wine glass, we sent him home to sleep, and brad and i watched star trek til 6am. consequently, i slept until 7pm the next day, and did not move from this spot…

i’ve also stepped in glass like, 4 times since yesterday! silly boys.

in other news, i was in a rush this morning, and i totally ran out of the house in such a hurry that i forgot an important bag of things you definitely need if you’re uh, bleeding.

it’s like, once a month i forget to be a girl and keep necessities in my purse. i’m super smart like that.

me: i need to run to the pharmacy for a female emergency! now!

my boss: a WHAT?

me: a female. EMERGENCY.

my boss: do you wanna wait two minutes and we’ll go for coffee and i’ll take you?

me: real 2 minutes? because it’s kind of an emergency RIGHT NOW!

boss: *awkward laughter*… meet you back here in 5

… so i go to the corner store by my work and they’re OUT! they had 6 different name brands of pads- which i haven’t worn since i was probably 12… and also, gross? so i ran back and had this conversation with my boss:

me: THEY’RE ALL OUT AND WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE

my boss: meet me in the car

me: SKREEEEEEEEE

anyway… he brought me to a pharmacy, and waited in the car while i took care of business, and charged tampons to my credit card because apparently i blew all my money this weekend.

i’m bad at life math.