me: i had quizno’s yesterday and it was fucking DELICIOUS
gwen: HAHAHAHAHA DUDE. I JUST WOKE UP, SAW YOUR FACEBOOK COMMENT, LAWLED IMMENSELY. fuckin’ quizno’s.
me: it had fucking guaccamole on it, what do you want from me?!
gwen: hahahah, i fucking told you so BITCHHH!
me: i still think it’s over-priced. but i enjoyed it, FUCK.
gwen: suck ma dick (like, fourteen times in a row, because she’s twelve, apparently)
me: you’re dead to me
gwen: hey, dead gwen update: heaven rules. i’m in my undies eating hotdogs.
me: that’s not heaven, that’s your every day life you fucking hobo! and don’t start on “…but the government IS a real employer” … you watch ps. i love you with your shoes off at your desk all day.
gwen: hahahah fuck i love you. everything about that was… perfect. let me bring you some wine and tits soon please? k thx.
me: you had me at tits.
— and, SCENE.
either i’m completely and madly in love with my best friend, or we are awful to each other and need new, better friends.
i can’t decide.
post script: i KNOW her boobs are fabulous
post, post script: don’t let her bangin’ bod and modeling career fool you- she is bat-shit crazy, and the only human openly willing to be my best friend and take me out IN PUBLIC. to like, fancy places. where other humans are. sigh, she’s great.
epiloge: i guess i’ll keep her.